Nurturing A New Family Ecology
It’s going to take a “systems” approach to solve the problems of our world today. A New Family Ecology is about treating a family like the life-giving, always changing and symbiotic ecosystem that it is.
Things have changed for families- in vast and rapid ways. The old scripts no longer work. But the new ones don’t yet feel born. Those of us parenting the youth at this time face what can often feel like an existential family-crisis. Time is of the essence- we are in this now, parenting today, tomorrow and few more fast-moving years. We want to do our best, and however dysfunctional the culture may be, we also live in a moment of vast opportunity…
In fact, by changing the way we parent and be family, we will change the culture. It may be one of the only ways. By assessing the ecology of a family and choosing deliberately supportive life-scripts, we can actually foster revolutionary ways of thinking and being, for a healthier planet and a resilient, healthy and joyful family life.
Politics start in the home— with how we delegate the necessary tasks of daily living, how we respond to one another, how we navigate differences, handle conflict, and by what we prioritize.
It will take a modern-day, cultural renaissance to transform and heal our many broken systems. Luckily, that renaissance is underway. In many sectors and across many fields of study, we are again talking about CONNECTION.
Unfortunately, the tools handed down from previous generations too often leave us feeling depleted, never enough... It's time to imagine a new toolbox to create new instruments for a new ecology.
Most of us were raised in a time when a family could get by on a single income and the companies that employed the breadwinners took really good care of their workers all the way through retirement. Most children could count on at least one parent being present for them during the day and (many, though not all) families had the leisure to participate in community organizations, churches and the like. The parental availability and community connections provided an opportunity for kids to learn values that were being instilled from many directions.
Today, most families require two incomes to get by, leaving children without a present parent at home. Church and community organization memberships are sharply turning down and religious sponsorship in public schools was- rightly- long ago banned. Kids are spending more and more time in daycare and after-school programs, many of which do not provide much influence on the importance of values. While many families are turning to private schools and homeschooling, that only works for the few privileged enough to have the money or the time.
What I know without a doubt is that a healthy and just society is not built on hierarchy; it’s built on relationships. When we begin with this core value of connection itself, we can take our differences and life challenges and make them strengths.
The consequences of our technological, late-capitalist age really effect families- mothers & daughters, fathers & sons, siblings, couples… and not the least, the roles of the extended family. Some of us are far too well-adjusted to a sick society. But many of us suffer in such conditions, and children definitely can.
Emotional intelligence is the most reliable measure of an individual and a society’s quality of life.
This is backed by cross-cultural research in Sociology and Psychology and I’ve personally seen it born out repeatedly in families and movements I’ve been connected to.
Shared values and personal relationships were also the backbone to every major social justice movement that accomplished the aims they set out to.
Shared values are the glue that holds individuals together into a movement. It provides mutual trust to be able to take big risks together. Such strong shared convictions often originate from shared pain.
So, when we combine a group of people with shared pain and shared hope and add a strategy, ba-boom! We have broad scale transformation. This can be applied to a family or to a large social group with the same impact. Raising kids in a family organized by shared values makes effective leaders.